


beneath the sound of hope

by YesIsAWorld



Category: Harry Styles (Musician), Louis Tomlinson (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - High School, Los Angeles, M/M, Pining, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Smashing Pumpkins - Freeform, Suburbia, The 90s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-28 22:17:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15716184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesIsAWorld/pseuds/YesIsAWorld
Summary: After Louis Tomlinson leaves the set of the Smashing Pumpkins’ “1979” music video, it’s not the band or the experience that he can’t stop thinking about—it’s the curly-haired boy he met while filming. Determined to track that same boy down, he sets off on a short journey and ends up figuring out some truths about himself along the way.





	beneath the sound of hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FullOnLarrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullOnLarrie/gifts).



> This fic is for Lauren, [FullOnLarrie](http://fullonlarrie.tumblr.com/), who’s my partner in crime, best friend, and all around best person. Happy Birthday Love! Normally, I talk fic to Lauren all day every day so keeping this a secret has been almost impossible. 
> 
> As they say, it takes a village, especially when Your Person is not available because of Secrets... so, I have many people to thank.
> 
> [GayCousinLarry](http://gaycousinlarry.tumblr.com/) for the support, and cheerleading, and early reads, and [MOODBOARD](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/btsoh/)!!!
> 
> I owe so much to [someonethatsfunny](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/) for acting as my Lauren-stand-in when I needed it most and offering to read it when I started doubting _and_ helping with the summary _and_ supporting the fic so much she wrote a companion fic from Harry’s POV, [Finding Me & Finding You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853638). Which you should go read as soon as you finish this.
> 
> And of course, [gettingaphdinmomo](http://gettingaphdinmomo.tumblr.com/) & [myownsparknow](http://myownsparknow.tumblr.com/) for talking Abercrombie timelines and taking a stroll down memories lane for 90s fashions, and of course for the terrific beta work. 
> 
> AND _ALSO_ [Lena](http://roseandbee.tumblr.com/), who's beta skills I bid on and won(!!!) from the [1dFanworksForCharity](https://1dfanworksforcharity.tumblr.com/) for giving this a final once over and making sure it was in tip top shape!
> 
> I love each and every one of you. 
> 
> Lauren, I know this fic is literally a whole year later than I told you it would be, but the important thing is that I finished. It’s also probably not quite what you had in mind when you sent me that “anon” prompt, but, alas, that’s the nature of prompts. I hope you still enjoy it… even though it’s a HS au. Oops!!
> 
> Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites. I'm not currently allowing translations either. Thank you for respecting my wishes.

Louis watched as his mom’s Honda Civic slowly made its way down the line of cars picking up all of the other kids. He hoped he was wrong, that it was actually another Civic, because he wasn’t ready for the night to end, but when he saw the dent in the front bumper from the street hockey ball he had overshot last month, he knew it was time to go. 

He turned to the friends he had made over the course of the video shoot—Harry, Steve, and Liam—to say goodbye. 

“That’s my mom,” Louis said with a sigh. He halfheartedly waved his arm in her direction. “So, bye, I guess.” The four of them had all met up at the craft services table when they had first arrived and had stuck together as much as they could throughout all the location and scene changes. It sucked that they all went to different high schools, so the chances of them ever seeing each other again were slim. They were cool though, and Louis was grateful he found guys to hang out with, laugh with, on set.

Steve and Liam both said goodbye, then went back to searching the bumper-to-bumper street for their family cars. Having everyone’s parents pick up all of the extras at the same time was a terrible idea, and Louis planned to do things differently if his dreams came true and he was able to work on sets when he grew up. 

Louis turned his focus to Harry, who was still standing next to him and not seeming to look for his ride at all. “Today was so freaking sweet,” Louis said, trying to drag out the final goodbye. He had bonded more with Harry than anyone else on set. It was like they were best friends from the moment they caught each other’s eyes over the spread of stale bagels.

“I know,” Harry gushed. “My friends are going to freak out when I tell them that I actually got a high-five from James Iha.”

Louis still couldn’t believe Harry went through with that dare. “And Billy was cool.” Louis cringed. “I guess.” Meeting him hadn't turned out quite as he imagined it would. He had actually kind of been a dick.

Harry laughed. “Well, he is a rock star.”

“I can’t believe we’re going to be in a Smashing Pumpkins video,” Louis said for what was probably the hundredth time that day. He probably still wouldn’t believe it even after he saw it with his own two eyes on MTV. His heart pounded as he realized _he_ was going to be on MTV. His face was going to be on TVs across America. “We’re going to be on MTV!”

“Louis!” Louis’ mom was leaning toward the passenger window and shouting his name. “Louis! Come on!”

Harry gave him a small smile. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Louis put his arm up to give him a high-five, but Harry took a step closer and pulled him into a hug instead. Louis was caught off guard, and patted his back a few times, before taking a small step back. Harry’s dimple was out in full force and Louis was drawn to it like he’d been since he first noticed it. With horror, Louis realized he was reaching out to poke Harry’s dimple and was too late to stop it. He made a silly face, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue to distract Harry from how awful and awkward he was being. Harry stuck his tongue out too, then turned his head.

“I hope you’re not waiting too long,” Louis said, because he was a nerd who couldn’t just say goodbye and walk away.

Harry smiled. His eyes were so green and Louis had the urge to reach out and pet his curly hair. He had already acted like such a weirdo though, so he shoved his hands in his pockets to be sure they wouldn’t act of their own accord again. 

“Louis Tomlinson!” his mom shouted again. 

“Okay, well, goodbye, again,” Louis said, as he stumbled backwards. He couldn’t even turn around and walk away like a normal person. It was probably a good thing he was never going to see Harry, or any of his new friends, again. 

(Until they were all on MTV!)

“Bye, Lou,” Harry called after him, and Louis turned around to give him one last wave before getting into his mom’s car. 

***

As soon as Louis got into his mom’s car, he pushed that month’s mixed tape into the tape deck. He couldn’t stand listening to her oldies.

“Was everyone nice?” his mom asked as he put his feet up on the dash. “And put your feet down. Gross.”

Louis rolled his eyes but did as he was asked. “Yeah, the other kids were really cool. I found a group to hang out with.”

“I told you you had nothing to worry about.” 

“I wasn’t _worried_ , mom.” He rolled his eyes again as he looked out the window at the spaced out houses and perfectly manicured lawns of southern California suburbia. He couldn’t wait to grow up and move downtown where he would hopefully get to be on sets all the time.

“I know. I know you weren’t,” she said softly. “And what was the band like?”

“They were cool. We actually didn’t get to see them a whole lot. Like, well, they were all there for the party scene, but I didn’t really get to like, hang out with them specifically.”

“Well, I’m glad they weren’t rude to you kids.”

“Guess what though. Harry—he was one of the guys I met—he walked right up to James Iha and was just like, ‘I like your guitar.’ Like, so cool and like he wasn’t totally freaking out. It was so friggin’ cool.”

“Louis.” His mom _hated_ when he said that.

“Sorry. But he just… did that. Like it wasn’t a big deal at all.” Louis for sure thought he was going to forfeit the dare and a spark of pride reignited in his chest at Harry actually going through with it.

“And what did James I—”

“He said, ‘Thanks, man,’ and gave him a high-five.” Louis shook his head in awe. “Harry’s like, the coolest. There was so much time just waiting between takes and we were the dream team. We beat Steve and Liam in everything we did.”

“Steve and Liam?”

“Oh yeah, the other guys I met.”

“What did you beat them at?”

“Like, you know. Who could most accurately throw food in each other’s mouths or seeing which team could chug their soda the fastest.”

His mum turned to him and looked chagrined. “I can’t believe I missed the 1979 Olympics. Right here in Los Angeles.”

“Whatever mom.” He loved her humor, no matter how ridiculous it was. 

She broke into a grin. “I’m glad you had a good time. We’ll have to have a little party to celebrate when it’s released. We’ll have all your friends over and order pizza.”

“Cool. Thanks, mom.” He changed the track and sat back in his seat, settling in for the long drive across the city.

***

The next day it was like his every thought revolved around Harry and what he could possibly be doing at each moment. Was he having breakfast at the same time as Louis? Was he groaning his way through math homework too? Was he thinking about Louis at all?

Louis spending his day thinking about Harry wasn’t an issue. He was always bit of a dreamer with ‘his head in the clouds’ as his teachers liked to remind him, and whatever he was fixated on at the moment always got replaced soon enough with something else. 

So it really wasn’t a problem. 

Until he was laying in bed and realized just how much of a problem Harry’s innocent face might be. 

He had one hand loosely wrapped around his dick, the other hand gently teasing across his chest. Slowly jerking himself, he ran through his usual mental catalogue of images: generic women from the _Sports Illustrated_ swimsuit edition, flickering memories of men at the neighborhood pool. The dudes he tried to push out of his mind so he could concentrate on the bikini-clad models. He worked himself faster, with a slick _ch-ch-ch_ as his hand flew over his dick. He couldn’t quite pull himself over the edge, his forearm strained and burned with the effort, and then a memory of Harry of laughing clouded his mind. Harry’s face was pure joy: arched eyebrows, his deep dimple, his perfect top row of teeth. And then his tongue. The way he stuck it out, teasing Louis, almost, then his profile as he turned to hide his smile. He rewound and played that moment again, the bolt of arousal he had felt at the sight of that tantalizing tongue and the shy way he ducked his head. Over and over again, until he was coming. The release was overwhelming, and he laid panting once he came down from the high. Trying to fall asleep quickly, he refused to think too closely about what had just happened. 

***

Niall thrust the Super NES controller into Louis’ hand. “F-Zero or Donkey Kong?” Niall asked. 

“NHL ’94,” Louis answered. Yes he was still obsessed with the game, and no, Niall wasn’t going to sway him anytime soon.

“Fine.” Niall put the cartridge in and sat down crossed-legged next to Louis in front of the TV. 

“Okay,” Niall said as the game booted up. “I need you to tell me everything.”

Louis shoved a potato chip in his mouth. “About what?” he asked with his mouth full, before smirking at Niall’s disgusted look.

“Fuck you. The Pumpkins’ video.”

“It was really freaking cool. I met this dude, Harry, who was just like so fun. We basically palled around all day.”

“Were there a lot of hot girls? There was like a pool, right?”

Louis hesitated. There were girls there, he was sure of it, but not a single one stuck out out in his mind. “Yeah, of course, they were all like, super hot. There were so many.”

“I’m so fucking jealous, dude.”

“There were girls everywhere. There was this one, like, chill, skater chick who was really cool. We hung out with her for a while. And they picked these—”

“Did you hook up with her?”

“What? No. It was a professional shoot. Of course I didn’t, you perv. But they did pick these two strangers to like, lay in the bathtub together and rumor has it they were getting busy in there.”

Niall let out a strangled noise. “The fucking dream, man.”

Louis nodded along. He wasn’t sure that was exactly his dream situation, but to each their own. “I don’t think anyone was too interested in me, anyway.” Although he wasn’t really paying close attention. “Harry was such a charmer. He has these curls and the girls all wanted _him_.”

“Cool. Maybe he can get laid enough for both of you.”

“You asshole.” Louis rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you’re up to your elbows in vagina.”

“If I was, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you.”

“Gross. I’d hope not.”

“Okay.” Niall started the game and turned to look at Louis. “I need you to tell me everything about D’Arcy. Is she as hot in person as—”

“Yeah, dude, she’s so fucking hot.”

Niall moaned. “I know. I love her so much.”

“Harry got a fucking high-five from James I—”

“Dude.” Niall punched in him the shoulder. “Greg told me that his friend’s uncle met him and said he was a total dick. I don’t care about James. I want to know everything about D’Arcy.”

“She was…” Louis had nothing.

“Dude,” Niall groaned. 

“Sorry! There was a lot going on. I was distracted.” Louis racked his brain. “She’s really fucking hot. I was in the same room as her during the house party scene. Her hair was so long.”

“I’m so jealous! Fuck.”

“I didn’t get that close to her. But like, her boobs looked great. And she’s so freaking talented.”

“Obviously. I can’t believe you were in the same room as D’Arcy Fucking Wretzky.”

“Dude, really, she’s so hot.” 

Niall cheered as he won the first game. “Did you get to meet Billy?”

“Sort of? He said ‘hi’ to all of us and thanked us for showing up, but like, I wasn’t close to him or anything. But Harry got to shoot a—”

“Dude.”

“What?”

“Do you have a boner for this guy or what?”

Louis cleared his face of any emotion. He didn’t… he wasn’t… “No. What?” he finally said. “Shut the fuck up.”

“You keep bringing him up. It sounds a little gay.”

“I’m not.” He wasn’t. “He’s just… a friend. You’d like him. He’s in a band too. White Eskimo. He’s the lead singer.”

“Whatever, dude.”

He returned Niall’s shoulder punch from earlier. “I don’t know, dude. You seem a little jealous.” Louis cackled at the look on Niall’s face. “Maybe you’re gay for me.”

Niall scoffed. “If I was going gay, it wouldn’t be with you.”

Louis shuddered at the thought. No. Just… no. “Thank fuck for that.”

Louis promised himself he wasn’t going to talk about Harry any more with Niall. He still kicked Niall’s ass in the next two games, but he couldn’t stop the “sounds a little gay” from repeating in his head. He was just _talking_ about Harry. It’s not like he was kissing him or even talking about kissing him. What made him talking about Harry more gay then when he talked about Oli or Stan? They were just friends. And even though he had gotten off to the thought of Harry the night before, it wasn’t like Niall knew that. There was no way he could tell.

Louis went into a bit of a tailspin. His heart pounded and he swallowed thickly, the sound of it echoing in his head. _Gay_. “I’ve got to get home,” he said suddenly, dropping his controller and standing up before Niall paused the game again. 

“What?”

“I told my mom I’d babysit. I totally forgot.”

“Oh. Okay.” Niall shrugged. “See you at school, I guess.” He put up his hand and Louis gave him a high five.

“See you tomorrow.”

Louis fled. He couldn’t stop thinking about what it meant. It probably didn’t mean anything. He would definitely know for sure if he was gay, so he definitely wasn’t.

***

Louis dragged the White Pages from the junk cabinet above the microwave up to his room. _Styles_. _Harry Styles._ Louis couldn’t believe that he was stooping to such low levels. Styles was an uncommon enough name so maybe he’d be able to track him down. And then call him up, and what? _Talk to him? Like a normal human?_ Logically, he knew what he was doing was stupid, but apparently he no longer had any control of his bodily functions. 

He face planted on his bed, then lifted himself up on his elbows to flip through the book. He turned to the S’s and then the ST’s and then scanned through all the names until he got to STY and saw that there were no Styles listed at all. 

Which was impossible. They had to live somewhere in Los Angeles. 

He ran over the list again, this time with his finger trailing down the page to make sure that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. 

He shut the book roughly and let it fall to the floor. His mom would kill him if he wrinkled too many pages but he was too depressed to turn over and make sure he hadn’t damaged it. 

He was never going to see Harry again. 

It felt like a spoon was digging his heart out through his stomach. 

Louis remembered that Harry had mentioned playing tennis at Dearborn Park, and before he fully processed what he was doing, he had gotten up, pulled on a pair of Vans, and taken the car keys from the hook in the hallway. He scribbled a note to his mom that he was going to Niall’s and he’d be home before bed. 

He put _Superunknown_ into the Discman and the tape adapter in the tape player and turned up the volume to listen to “Black Hole Sun” as he pulled out of his driveway and started the half hour drive west. He didn’t even know where he was going, really, but he hoped as he got closer some sign from the universe would point him in the right direction. Maybe he’d see him at the park or at a strip mall, or his hands would direct the car to Harry’s street of their own volition. 

He combed his fingers through his hair. 

He had no idea what he was doing. 

With no one but Soundgarden keeping him company, his mind wandered. So, maybe there was a chance he was gay. That wasn’t the end of the world. He thought about the last time he had made out with someone. Dana was pretty. A cheerleader. They had made out on New Year’s Eve, after raiding Calvin’s dad’s liquor cabinet. It had been fine. He squeezed her boobs too. And that was also, fine. Afterwards, when word got out—she had told her friends—Louis’ friends all gave him wolfdog grins and begged for details.

He had had no idea what to tell them.

He thought about kissing Calvin, and shook his head. He supposed he could if he had to, he was attractive enough. It was the same indifference when he thought about kissing Dana again. Niall? Nope. Still no interest in that. He couldn’t imagine attaching his lips to Ryan, the most popular boy on the baseball team. Or Jack, who had led the swim team to the state championships. 

So maybe not gay. 

Maybe it was just Harry. Maybe he just had a thing for curls. All the girls at his school had such straight hair.

JT, Ryan’s best friend, though. Louis easily imagined himself pressing into his space, slowly closing the distance between their faces, aligning their bodies so they were pressed tight together. 

Louis palmed his dick, trying to apply just enough pressure to stop his erection from growing. 

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t just curls.

And maybe he’d never be able to look at JT in the eye again.

Shit. What if he was gay?

He turned up “My Wave” and shouted along with Chris Cornell. 

By the time he had driven in circles around Northridge, feeling stupid because of course his plan to just drive by Harry somehow wasn’t going to work. Just because Harry said he hung out in Dearborn Park didn’t actually mean he lived in Northridge. It was like finding a needle in a city full of haystacks. Of course he failed. 

Feeling nostalgic, he switched out the CDs for the drive home and put on _Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness_ and put “1979” on repeat. If he couldn’t see Harry in person at least he could remember him bouncing around all day with that song in the background.

***

The mall was packed. It felt like Louis and Niall had seen everyone from their school in the few hours they had spent walking around. 

“Oh, shit,” Niall almost whispered. He smacked the back of his hand against Louis’ arm. “They’re coming. Look. Barbara and Courtney. Fuck,” Niall turned to Louis, “they went into Bath and Bodyworks. Please, please come with me.”

“Niall,” Louis moaned. “You know that’s not really my—”

“I promise we can go straight to Sam Goody and stay ’til closing.”

“That shit’s gonna give me a headache,” Louis countered. It was bad enough when his sisters came home smelling of it.

“But Barbara _and_ Courtney. It’s our freaking chance. Do I look okay? Don’t mess this up, dude.”

“You look fine,” Louis said. He plastered on a smile and hoped Niall was only focused on the girls. 

The previous year, during a particularly raucous game of Truth or Dare, Louis had said that he was into Courtney because he knew she was hot and like three other dudes had said her name too. Niall hadn’t forgotten and it only got worse once he wanted to get with her best friend. “Double dates!” was Niall’s big selling point, but really Louis didn’t see why they had to be dates. They could all go to movies together and no one would even talk to each other. They could all just go as friends.

Louis was hit with a wave of competing scents as he walked into the store. Niall made a beeline straight for the girls. Louis had watched enough mating rituals around the hallways at school to know that acting aloof normally worked better than looking too eager. He didn’t get that either, but there was a lot about the couples he saw that he didn’t get, so it was just another thing added to the pile.

By the time Louis meandered over to them, they were giggling and using Niall’s arms as scent testers. Louis glared at him. He was going to stink the whole rest of the day. 

“Hey, Louis,” Courtney cooed. 

“Hey Court. Hey Barbara.” Louis greeted them with a smile.

They tried to convince Louis to let them use his arms as scent testers too, giggling and pleading, but he didn’t give in like Niall had.

Courtney was pretty, in an obvious way, and Louis could appreciate her beauty, just like everyone else in his grade, but he still felt like maybe he was missing something crucial that all the other boys seemed to latch onto.

“Right, Louis?” Courtney turned to him with her perfectly white smile. 

“Yeah, of course,” he said, with no idea what he was agreeing to.

She lit up, her smile widening, and put her hand on his arm. “I knew I liked you for a reason, Louis Tomlinson.”

Niall was giving him a look that he couldn’t quite decipher, but he looked amped so he must’ve done something right. 

Lous waited as long as he could, smiling at the right times and laughing along, and he thought about them all as a dynamic on a double date again. It’d be alright. He was having fun, he supposed. He could survive a night of them going out. 

The girls walked with them to Sam Goody because it was on the way to The Gap, their next destination. 

“See you around, Louis,” Courtney said with a wave as they walked away. 

Niall smacked his arm a few times. “Lou. Bro. She is so into you. You’ve got this!”

Louis knew that she was into him. He was flattered. But… 

If he played his cards right he’d be the envy of every guy at school, but he wasn’t sure he cared.

***

Louis parked his mom’s car at the other end of the strip mall, and went over his lie again. _His uncle was gay._ He took a deep breath. _He was thinking about doing a project on AIDS for Social Studies._ He took another deep breath. It didn’t matter, he told himself for the millionth time. If he saw anyone in that section, they’d have to answer the same question. What are _you_ doing here?

He scanned the parking lot as he walked past all the other stores; no one he knew. He peeked through the glass doors into the book shop, and didn’t see anyone his age. He kept his eyes focused on the back left of the store, where he knew the gay/lesbian section was. Louis didn’t think anyone was paying attention to him, but he glanced around anyway to make sure he had made it safely. 

Faced with a few rows of shelves, he realized that he had no idea what to look for. He didn’t see any books titled _You Met a Cute Boy and Happened to Get Off While Thinking About Him and Then Your Best Friend Called You ‘Gay’ and That’s Not Entirely New, Except Now You’re Thinking It Might Be True: How to Tell If You Are, In Fact, Gay._

There were historical books and theory books and books about HIV/AIDS, but nothing that looked like it could help him answer his questions. He picked up a copy of _Angels in America_ and flipped through it. He had no idea what he was even doing.

Louis knew the answer: He knew that if he was wondering if he was gay, that the odds were that he was, in fact, gay. 

He ran a finger along the spines one more time. 

There was one last hope thrown out into the world that he was wrong and that some book would leap out at him and assure him that he was not into boys and this was a one time fluke that he could forget about.

An older guy, college-aged probably, stepped into the section. He gave a quick glance at Louis then turned his attention to the row of books. The stranger had his ear pierced. _Right is right and left is gay._ Or was it _right is gay and left is right_? It was impossible for him to keep those those straight in his mind. He wasn’t going to get his ear pierced, just in case he picked the wrong side and telegraphed to everyone that he was, actually, gay. 

He didn’t really want a piercing anyway.

Louis’ cheeks heated as he looked at him.

After accidently catching the guy’s eye, Louis froze as he waited for the guy to ask what he was doing there. Instead, he just gave a small smile and turned back to whatever book he was flipping through.

Louis rushed away.

The problem was that the other guy looked a little bit like Joey Lawrence from _Blossom_. And Louis had always maybe watched that show. Not for Six like the rest of his friends, but because he wanted to look as cool as Joey. 

The guy had ripped jeans and an open flannel over a white t-shirt, and a long necklace that dangled mid-chest. Louis was drawn to him. He tried to tell himself that he just wanted to be able to pull off that look and seem older and more collegiate instead of young and dorky. But he made himself face the truth. That dude was _hot_ and Louis had been paralyzed with fear standing next to a hot, gay dude, because of how much he wanted to stand a step closer, wanted to touch, wanted to be press him against the bookshelves.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

***

“Louis! Phone’s for you!” his mom yelled.

Louis closed his math book and turned his head toward his closed bedroom door. “Who is it?”

“I don’t know! Pick it up!”

With a dramatic sigh, he stood up and walked into his mom’s room. He laid diagonally across the bed and picked up the handset. “Hello?”

The woman on the line explained, for the twentieth time (Louis guessed, based on how bored she sounded) that there had been a mixup, and that the party footage that had been filmed for the video was left on the roof of someone’s car and had been lost. So they needed to reshoot it and hoped he’d be available. 

Louis trembled as he listened, was polite as he said he’d be there, and calm as he hung up the phone. 

And then he let out a yell at the top of his lungs that had his mom and sisters running to him. 

He stopped bouncing on the bed long enough to shout the good news, then started flailing again. It was such incredible news that his body couldn’t contain his excitement.

***

Louis hadn’t anticipated how nervous he was going to be when he saw Harry again. _If_ he saw Harry again. There was no way to know if he was even going to show up. Maybe he had hated the whole process the first time around, how much standing around they had to do, how unglamorous the life of an extra was. Or maybe Louis had made up the whole thing, the chemistry he thought they’d had was maybe all in his head and Harry had maybe forgotten all about him. Or worse, he had come off as far too interested and _gay,_ and Harry had been too polite to walk away, but this time would definitely avoid him.

He slammed the car door and skulked to the check-in table, convinced he was going to have his worst fears realized. 

Without saying a word to anyone, he walked into the house and found a bit of wall to lean against as he waited for the rest of the kids to arrive so they could start shooting.

But then Harry walked in, and it was like the world stopped spinning as Louis caught his eye and Harry came straight toward him.

“Hey,” Harry said as he leaned next to him. 

“’Sup?” The wall across the room was suddenly very interesting and he didn’t dare turn his head.

“Did.” Harry cleared his throat. “Did you get my message?”

Louis shuffled his feet. There was a space on his shoes between his doodles where he could put another one. “What?”

“My message? I called, uh, and this woman said she’d give you the message.”

Louis shook his head. He had no idea what Harry was talking about. “How’d you get my number?”

The tops of Harry’s cheeks turned pink. “Uh…” He started fiddling with his belt buckle and Louis felt himself flush red too as he watched and wished Harry’d open his fly, drop his pants, let Louis touch. Louis couldn’t draw his eyes away as his heart started to pound.

Right. Okay. That want landed pretty squarely in the gay category.

“I looked you up in the White Pages,” Harry continued.

“What?”

“Sorry, if that’s like, not cool. I just… thought we could hang out? Maybe? But if you’re not…”

Louis could kill his sister. Or his mom. Whoever didn’t do pass along the message. “Wait. My mom remarried. If you looked me up you were probably talking to my dickhead stepmom. I never would’ve gotten it.”

“Oh. Well...” He fluttered his hands uselessly and Louis was endeared. He was so fucked. “Fate?” Harry continued as his eyes were focused on the same boring wall Louis’ were. 

Louis swallowed the lump that appeared in his throat. Fate. He nudged Harry’s boot with his own doodled-on shoe. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Cool. Me too. I mean, I’m glad you’re here,” Harry said. “And if it’s, like, if you want…” Harry shoved a hand into the cargo pocket by his knee and pulled out a permanent marker. 

“What’s that for?”

“I wanted to be prepared, in case you were here. Wanna give you my number. Don’t want you to lose it.”

“Okay.” Louis gave a wobbly smile and offered up his hand. Louis held still while Harry slowly and carefully wrote his number on top of it, then blew on it.

Louis made sure he could read it clearly before looking back over at Harry.

“Okay everyone!” A woman holding the clapboard snapped it together a few times to get everyone’s attention. “Most of you were here before. Same rules apply. Don’t look into the camera. Look like you’re having fun. Pretend we’re not even here.”

Louis scoffed. Like that was possible. The cameras—and cameramen—were huge. He eyed Harry, who was already looking at him with an intense look, then averted his eyes.

“Let’s go over there.” Harry nudged Louis’ shoulder and motioned toward the corner. 

“Okay.” Louis easily followed. Louis couldn’t stop wondering if Harry possibly liked boys. If there was any possibility at all that he could be into _him._ Niall never looked at him that way. The thought that Harry might be gay made his head spin. Harry was so fucking cool and nice and charming maybe, maybe, _maybe_ into guys.

Louis took a chance—if Harry was uncomfortable he hoped he’d be able to sense it—and stood closer than normally would stand to a friend. He tried to control his breathing and not to panic over how close they were. “Have you seen Steve or Liam?” That was a perfectly innocent question. His whole body felt warm where it was just inches away from Harry, and it still wasn’t enough. He flexed his fingers behind his back, trying to stop himself from reaching out and touching. 

Harry brushed his arm against Louis’ and all the hair on his arm stood at attention. “Sorry,” Harry said, though he didn’t look sorry at all, with a heat in his eyes that Louis couldn’t look away from. Louis let out a hysterical giggle. Then he ducked his head away from Harry in an attempt to tamp down on the smile he couldn’t gain control of. 

“Yeah,” Harry said quietly, close enough to Louis’ ear that his warm breath caused another ripple of sensation down his back. “I ran into Liam last week actually. Haven’t seen him yet today though.”

Louis couldn’t help the flash of jealousy in his chest. 

“1979” started playing and the crowd around them started jumping and flailing about. As much as he could, without being _too_ obvious, Louis bumped into Harry.

Legs. Elbows. Shoulders.

Electric jolts wherever their skin touched.

Fingers grazing as much as he dared. 

He had a tunnel vision of Harry’s soft skin and his mop of frizzy hair and his pink cheeks.

The world slowed to a stop as Harry leaned forward, toward Louis’ hands that were lifted above Louis’ head, and his lips gently hit Louis’ forearm. It was like the breath was knocked out of Louis at the contact. Harry’s perfect lips that Louis very much wanted longer, intense contact with, preferably with his own lips, were on him. 

Harry whipped around quickly, too quick for Louis to get a look at his face before it was just the plane of his back and his hunched shoulders. Louis dropped his arms, then raised them again. He swallowed down the fear stuck in his throat, and he draped them over Harry’s shoulders. 

His heart pounded in his chest and he was almost sure Harry would be able to feel it across the inch that separated their sweaty shirts.

But Harry didn’t step forward and out of Louis’ reach.

His back arched and he brought his shoulders closer to Louis as his head tilted back. 

Louis’ knees went weak. Harry was the most perfect boy he had ever seen, and he wasn’t avoiding Louis’ touches. Everything about the moment felt charged and Louis debated tilting his own head forward, touching his forehead against the chestnut curls at the back of Harry’s head.

But someone yelled “Cut!” and Harry abruptly stepped forward.

Louis looked down at his feet. He couldn’t imagine the look on Harry’s face after what he had just done.

Harry turned and in a gruff whisper asked, “Wanna go outside?”

Louis nodded. 

With the crew setting up again, everyone was walking around, and no one batted an eye as Harry slid open the glass door. Louis followed him out. It was cold outside, and Louis shivered at the dramatic temperature drop from the humid, packed house. 

“You okay?” Harry asked. 

Louis didn’t trust his voice. He nodded again. 

Other extras had followed them outside, spilling out into the patio surrounding the pool. Harry tilted his head toward a darker part of the yard, where the spotlights didn’t reach.

“Hey,” Harry said on an exhale. 

“Hey yourself,” Louis replied. He hoped this was what he thought. He had been to enough house parties to know that wolf whistles and catcalls normally followed couples as they wandered off into the dark, away from prying eyes. Other than the din of the crowd staying by the house, it was silent and Louis felt like they were getting away with something. 

He knocked his knuckles against Harry’s.

“Having fun?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah. Lots. You?”

Harry nodded, his eyes focused on Louis’ lips. Louis had never felt like the center of someone’s sole attention, and a spark lit in his stomach at the realization. If he played his cards right, he could get Harry to kiss him, maybe. The spark grew and settled low in his belly.

“You’re shaking,” Harry said.

“̕S cold out.” 

“I could…” Harry’s voice wavered. Then with a tremble in his own arms, lifted them in an approximation of a hug. 

“You’re sure?” Louis asked.

Harry gave a lopsided smile.”Yeah. Please. I’d like—”

“I think I’m gay,” Louis blurted. Wow. He was so uncool. He felt dizzy. “So, if that changes…” he faltered after that, afraid Harry was going to bolt, or that look of hope was going to morph into something more like disgust.

Harry’s arms dropped to his sides. “Oh, that’s… okay.” Harry had a bit of a deer in headlights look, but he wasn’t running. “That’s… I’m… that’s totally fine, like, with me.” He lifted his arms again. “Offer’s still—” 

Louis didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentiment. He moved into Harry’s arms and pressed his body against Harry’s. 

Then, startled, he inched his hips back. 

Because, yep, that had been Harry’s hard dick pressed against his thigh.

Harry cleared his throat. “Sorry. I… You’re—”

Louis shrugged. “It’s okay. I—” He couldn’t bring himself yet to say that he liked it. Lord knew he had gotten his share of terribly timed boners. It still didn’t necessarily mean anything, though with a proud little shiver he thought that it _probably_ did. 

He probably got Harry hard.

He looked up to find Harry still staring at him while biting his lip.

Then Harry inched his face forward, and like a magnet, Louis drew closer as well. 

After one last flick of his eyes down to Louis’ lips, Harry closed his eyes. Louis felt Harry’s breath ghost across his lips and his eyes fell shut too. And then they were kissing. 

It was tentative at first, their lips pressed together, their arms wrapped around each other. 

Then, with a flick of Harry’s tongue, Louis was opening up for a deeper kiss.

Louis got lost in the sensations. Harry’s hair in his fingers and the rough denim of his jeans in his palms. Harry smelled of cK One and his lips were slightly chapped and Louis couldn’t get enough.

After Harry moaned loudly, Louis pulled away with a giggle. “Shhh.” Louis put a finger to his lips—lips that had just been attached to Harry’s—and lost his train of thought. Harry looked so thoroughly well kissed with his mussed hair and dazed look in his eyes. “Don’t want to be caught. Don’t know when the next time—”

“You’ll call me, right?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, I will. I promise. And I can borrow my mom’s car too—”

“I just got my learner’s permit, so like, soon…”

Louis was sure his smile was just as dopey as Harry’s.

“Think we’re missing anything in there?” Louis asked. 

“Doubt it. I’d rather be right here, honestly.”

Louis ducked back in for another kiss, finally understanding what all the fuss was about. He could do this all night long. He wanted to take Harry out on dates every night, so they could hold hands and cuddle and talk about everything. He wanted everything with Harry.

Something settled in Louis’ chest. 

There was no question that he was most definitely gay. He’d worry about the rest of it later, and settled in to enjoy the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here's a shareable tumblr link if you liked it! xx](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/post/177618310263/beneath-the-sound-of-hope-by)
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> Also! [Someonethatsfunny](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/) wrote a companion fic from Harry’s POV, [Finding Me & Finding You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853638). Which you should go read right now!


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